It would be so easy to fall in love with you again. To close my eyes and melt into your warm embrace. It would be so easy to full back into the rhythm of things between us. To hold your hand, kiss your lips, fuck you deep.
To go back to the way it used to would be the easiest thing, because I have done it before. I have fallen for you before, given my heart to you on a platter and taken yours too.
It would be so easy to go back to the morning texts, the hours spent on the phone, long nights, the dates, the time we spend together. The meals we shared, the inside jokes, the sleepovers, and all the experiences and memories.
Going back to the passion between us would be unforgettable. So easy to crave your touch. Easy to get all hot and bothered by the sight of you. Easy to grab you and kiss you and let’s our lust take over. Easy to make passionate love together without interruption and with much satisfaction. Oh, would it be exceptionally explosive for our bodies to come together like they used to. We always knew how to satisfy each other.
Everything with you would be easy. To say, ‘I love you’, to tell you, ‘I miss you’, to call you just because and send each other random cute texts. To imagine a future with you. To live in the present with you. To be with you.
It would all be easy because I love you, I never stopped loving you. I just love you a lot less now. I don’t love you as a lover, I love you like an acquaintance, a distant cousin even. Very platonic and agape. But I’m not blind to the facts that it could be more if I let it.
I also know how easy it would be for you to hurt me again. How easy it would be for you to ignore my calls, my messages, hell my whole existence whenever you deem it fit. I know what it feels like when you get comfortable with having me and how less effort you put into our relationship.
I know exactly what it means to fall for you again and the pain that comes with it. The silence you give. The conversations you avoid. The arguments you create. The less of myself you make me feel. The sadness that I live in, in hopes that the happiness returns, and they do offer one or two days before your heart forgets me again.
I know what being with you is like and I know how much it hurts. I know how the happy days are rare and not worth the pain that comes after. I refused to be put in that situation again, especially by the same person that put me there before.
If you think caring about me and actively participating in this relationship is too high maintenance for you then I’m not the one for you.I know you can find someone who is willing to deal with all that bullshit but it sure as hell ain’t me. Don’t try to change me into something I am not, because I know you can be better, you have shown me you can but just not with me. I’m not the one and so are you.