I guess this is it again isn’t it.
Why am I surprised? Am I even surprised? You’ve done this before. Ignored my texts and calls. It’s been days and I haven’t heard from you. First it started with mild irritation, to anger, then concern, now it’s just hurt. You’re hurting me again.
Is this going to be a habit? Are you going to come back with a valid explanation? Or is this the end?
I miss you and that’s what hurts the most. I don’t know what’s going on. I don’t know if you’re okay. I just want to know if you’re okay.
I keep checking my phone hoping for a text or call. Going to your messages hoping you would respond. I called you twice today, but you didn’t answer. I haven’t heard from you in three days! Is this over? Are you done with me? Why just leave without saying anything?
I could think whatever I want though. I can think that the game you’re playing with me is finally over. I can think something happened to you. I can think you don’t want me anymore. I can think that I have played myself once again.
The thing about being ghosted is that you don’t know anything and your mind is ever ready to fill in those gaps for you. I don’t know if I did something wrong or if nothing went wrong at all. I don’t know if you truly loved me or if this was all just a game to you. I don’t know if something happened or if you’re perfectly fine. I don’t know anything but yet my mind is full of ideas of what ifs.
I hate not knowing. I hate the silence.
I hate that I’ve been here before. I hate that I have let this happen to me again. I hate that I thought would be different, nah I hope you’d be different. I hate that this isn’t the first time you’ve done this. I hate that you said you wouldn’t do this again but you did. I hate that I miss you. I hate that you have the power to hurt me. I hate that I gave you that power. I hate that you are doing this to me. I hate most of all that I’m waiting for you.
The silence is difficult because you don’t know where you stand. And the worst part is carrying the weight of the confusion all by yourself. You live with unanswered questions. Wondering what went wrong, if at all anything went wrong. Waiting and hoping you come back. Wishing this is just a fluke and everything would be alright. Then living with the fact that you never know why the silence came and moving on because you don’t have a choice.
I hate everything about this.
You could have never came. You could have left me alone. But you didn’t, now here I am stuck feeling this way while you’re doing God knows what. Maybe laughing at me, mocking me, or hurting from something else. I don’t know. I wish I did.
I guess it’s another season of hurt. Such is life I guess.