I have chosen the path that protects my heart from pain. I have chosen to speak when it is needed not wanted. I have chosen to not shed a tear for anyone anymore. I have chosen to make decisions that put me first. I have chosen not to hurt others, because I have felt pain and I don’t want anyone else to go through that in my hands. I have spent so much time thinking of ways to not be a bad person. I have put the needs of others before my own. I have sacrificed so much and gotten so little. I have watched and waited for the day that someone would give me the type of love that I know I deserve.
I have done everything I could possibly do to be the person that I hoped to be but no matter what I do it is never enough. Pleasing humans stopped being something I did a long ago because I learnt early enough that you can’t satisfy someone who isn’t satisfied with themselves. I have learnt that you can’t please everyone. I have learnt that you can’t please the one person you desire to please if that person has no regard, love or respect for you. But alas I thought you were different. Nah, that’s the wrong choice of words. I wanted you to be different. You seemed that way at first, but it all came crashing down as it always does.
I was a fool for thinking any differently, but you have to try don’t you. You have to live in order to learn and grow. I’m not stupid or naïve to believe that you wouldn’t hurt me, but this is a new kind of pain. I’ve never met someone so caught up in their bullshit that they don’t see the harm they cause. I’ve never met someone so insecure that everything I do and say is a threat to you. I’ve never met someone so inconsiderate that they believe that truth must be smeared with rudeness. YOU ARE RUDE! My God, I’ve met honest and straight forward people in my life but no one as disrespectful as you.
Its so funny to me how you always think you are right. What’s more amusing to how every confrontation I make to your bullshit is being spun around to being my fault somehow. I am always wrong in your eyes, and as the ‘king’ you are, you are always right. My thoughts and opinions are considered to be unrealistic fantasies. Everything about me you have put on this pedestal of unattainability that you are not even willing to try. I have only wanted you to be there for me and you have never been. My voice has become a bad song you tune out and pay no mind. You have created an image of me in your head and discarded who I truly am, then proceeded to treat me like the image you created.
You have reduced me to whatever fits your fancy and ridiculed my intelligence. But you know what? That’s perfectly fine. Its fine because I know who the fuck I am and I’m not going to let anyone including an insecure bastard like you take me for a fool. Keep your disgusting excuse of tough love to your fucking self. I ain’t about that dumb bullshit. I have said everything that I needed to say to you. I have communicated to you over and over again but all I’ve gotten are cold pathetic apologies and you victimizing yourself in every situation because I’m the big bad wolf, no? I’ve tried my best to make this work but is clear to me that I don’t matter the way you’d like me to believe that I do.
Unfortunately for you I’m not blind. I am highly self-aware of everything you are doing, and I am done. I’m done trying. You can do whatever the fuck that you want, but rest assured that so will I. I thought you were worth it, but you have proven to me that I am nothing, so nothing I will become.
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