ME (12th JUNE 2023)
Can’t remember the last time I wrote without music, so we’ll see how this goes.
I feel like a sort of life update is needed but not right now. That requires a certain sense of stability that I don’t particularly have at the moment.
There are good days and bad days but today appears to be a bad day. I’ve been lost in my thoughts for the whole day. I have thoughts of different things but nothing to direct me to the path I need to take to write whatever it is that I want to write. I felt the need to pick up my pen instead of having a mental breakdown. I’d eventually have one of those but that would be days after this. I haven’t been feeling much of anything lately, I can’t say I would want too either. It’s like things have become more temporary and even the temporary feelings are short lived from hours to seconds, then the numbness takes over like the last couple of minutes didn’t even happen. The introvert in me is not even an introvert anymore because I can’t even feel my own self. I just don’t feel. It considerable to feel empty at least you know something is missing and you need to find it but this state doesn’t have anything, just complete nothingness surrounded by random thoughts and zoning out to nowhere.
I’ve also been thinking about change. Change is the only thing that is constant but what if everything around you changes but you don’t? What does that say about you? Does that mean that change isn’t as constant as everyone says? Or does that mean that in order for change to occur we have to make it? So, does that make us predecessors of change? I don’t understand what I’m saying either, but I know it makes sense.
My enemy is me.
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