You know the pain is different when the tears cannot even fall. You know you’ve cried enough when the tears can no longer come. Does that make it hurt less? Does that mean the pain is gone? The answer is no! For those that have gotten to this point its not hard to see that that’s the truth. For those that haven’t gotten to this point it may seem highly unlikely and very unrealistic to believe that the pain could still exist even at the point when you can no longer physically let it out anymore. I would only speak from my own knowledge, I will not speak as someone that knows all or can answer all the questions, I will only speak of the words that comes from within.
Over a long period of my life, I have been in pain, caused by various different things. The worse thing about emotional pain is that when compared to physical pain it does not have a time frame or a specific loction. When you are physically hurt you know you are capable of healing within a few days, weeks, months or years, and sometimes during the healing process the pain goes away even though you’re not fully healed. I do understand that there are some physical pains that never go away. At least there are drugs that can ease the pain or at least cause temporal relief. I am not underrating anyone’s physical pain because I know some cases are worse than others but I am speaking in the generality of things. And for those whose physical pain seems endless I do wish you a speedy recovery and good health.
Life has brought me various variations of emotional hurt which has given me depression, anxiety, social anxiety, PTSD, trauma, trust issues, unrelenting anger, etc. I may have a mental disorder or 2 but I’m not planning to get diagnosed just yet. I advise that you do get checked if you believe there is a problem with your psych, don’t let it get worse. The earlier you solve a problem the less consequences there will be. I do not wish to bore you with the wails of my life, at least not today. At no point in time did I feel truly healed over any of the pain at any point in my life. I would like to tell you something that no one wants to admit or understand. ‘Pain never goes away’. I hate to say it but it’s the truth. The truth is that you don’t get over from that kind of pain, what happens is adaptation. You simply learn to deal with it and move on. That doesn’t mean it stops hurting or you forget about it. It just means that you have accepted and come to terms with whatever happened and now it hurts less. It doesn’t mean you’re over it either because when you remember it it still hurts. It just means that you don’t let that situation do more damage than what has already been done. Because if you let that pain overwhelm and take over you all you will ever feel is pain and that makes the situation far more worse than it already is. I encourage everyone to allow yourself to feel pain, cry it out, sulk, do whatever you need to let that pain be felt and released because the more you keep it in the more it grows and when its ready to explode its going to be one hell of an eruption.
As much as I encourage you to release the pain, I don’t encourage violence or revenge. I will discuss vengeance at a later date. I do encourage damage control. In as much as you let yourself fall and grovel at the seams, make sure you get up and keep pushing. Don’t ever get comfortable on the ground with pain because even pain can feel so comfortable you wouldn’t want to leave.
I would have loved to say I have the resources or a guidebook to guide you out of the abyss but sadly I do not. What I do have are suggestions that only you can decide to take. At the end of the day, it is always your decision, and your life is in your hands. I suggest first and foremost for you to grieve but don’t grieve for too long so you don’t find comfort in grief. During that process I urge you to forgive yourself. It seems unimportant or funny but I guarantee you that it helps. When you forgive yourself for those mistakes it makes forgiving others easier. Forgiving yourself reduces the pain because it helps you acknowledge that whatever happened hurt you but it does not define you. Your pain should never define you. Your pain should never define who you are, except it provides motivation for you to do better to redefine yourself. Its also very helpful so you don’t spend the rest of your life blaming yourself for whatever happened cause that’s the end of it all. After forgiving yourself you can decide to forgive others. The reason I didn’t use the word ‘should’ is because it is your choice and I have realised that there are things that are definitely unforgivable. It doesn’t mean that your anger should consume you though, be very mindful of that. Another suggestion is finding motivation. One of the things that I’ve noticed that helps is coping mechanisms, basically doing things that promote happiness and helps you deal with or come to terms with pain. Having a good support system is very beneficial as we all need someone either a partner, lover, family, pet, therapist, psychologist, basically anyone you know that you can trust and would be there for you and support you. I also suggest getting medical/professional help if you need to or you know all the rest are not for you or you’ve tried the rest and nothing works. Don’t force your healing either, it won’t work if you force it. Don’t be hard on yourself, healing doesn’t happen overnight. If something isn’t working try something else. If going to the gym isn’t helping then try dancing or any other physical activity, don’t be stuck doing one thing if its clearly not working. One thing to know is just because it worked before doesn’t mean its going to work again or always. Talking from experience you should have multiple strategies, and when the pain is so bad that they all fail then you find a new one. I suggest professional help at this point if you haven’t tried it yet. I know its not easy finding something new but always keep an open mind. You are doing this for you, no one else feels that pain except from you and only you know how you’re feeling and how much it hurts.
I truly wish you the best in life. The pain only last as long as you let it. When you control it its going to hurt a lot less.
Let me know what you think, any opinions or comments you may have as well as my latest daily segment (DeliciousWords) will be on Instagram: @beautifully_psychotic_ and Twitter: @BeautifullyPsyc. I look forward to interacting with you. Or if you just want to talk I’m here to listen.