November 9th, 2022
My hands shake as I write this because I am boiling with an uncomfortable amount of rage. Ironically, I am not angry, I am filled with every other emotion but anger. I cannot explain what I feel at this moment, but I will explain what got me here when I return.
November 27th, 2022
I came back with no idea what I was going to write so let’s see where I take this now that I’m sober (when I say sober I don’t mean I was intoxicated before I just mean I’m more calm right now). Its not like I even had a direction when started writing this entry in the first place. So, I read a book that drove me to the book that drove me to the peak of insanity but brought me to the clear sense of reality. The world is an evil place that doesn’t get any better. No matter how well you know someone it’s never truly enough. That’s another topic though. This book reminded me that there is so much evil in the world that we are aware of, but we don’t think about.
November 28th, 2022.
It reminded me that there are more problems in the world than we tend to want to believe. It showed me that there is so much evil that lies in the heart of a man. This reminds me of something I said at some point in life ‘I cannot fear a man, but I can fear the capabilities of man’. Once a person decided to do something to you their bounds are limitless. My new perspective of the world is that it is always eviller than you think. The fact that people wake up everyday in order to ruin the lives of other people that they feel are lesser than them is already scary as it is, doubled with the fact that anyone at all can be a victim of someone’s sick and twisted fantasies increases the fear and caution. This whole evaluation brought me to the conclusion that no matter how insignificant you think you are or how important you may be you are not safe. No amount of protection can protect you from someone that is willing to do anything to have you. In a way that could be a sexy thing, depending on how you choose to see it, but today we are not here for pleasure, we are here for pain. We all have probably heard stories about people that are rich enough to have security and all that get kidnapped, hell even Kim Kardashian was robbed at a point. So, if people of this high calibre are not safe what about the rest of us normal folk. I don’t want to increase anyone’s paranoia or drive anyone to fear but when I feel the need to write, I write. Unfortunately, what I’m saying is true. We live in a wicked world where anyone can harm us no matter our relationship or lack of them. If they see you, like you, want you, all that’s left is for them to take you. The worst part is that even after you have been taken there are 2 fears that will reside in you. The prospect of them getting bored of you and disposing of you like trash or passing you to the next person/people. The second is how they treat you when they have you, I’ll go in debt into this.
I recently finished reading a book called ‘Haunting Adeline’ by H. D. Carlton, and this book was incredible. I would advise that you approach with caution and if you have any sexual triggers and the likes you better avoid the book. I’m still recovering from my own book trauma. There are warnings in the beginning of the book so please don’t read it if you know you can’t handle it. Anyways, one of the main topics of the book was human trafficking. This is a problem that has been ongoing from the dawn of time, and it is still ongoing, in as much as it is an issue it is hardly ever spoken about. So, the place I’m heading is that you do not have to be of importance or to be too insignificant to be targeted for the trade. Its just a matter of interest. How the victims are taken is also not always an elaborate scheme, people can be taken anytime doing the most mundane things like grocery shopping, going to work, going for a run, sleeping in bed, literally anything at all.
These people are very patient people too because they watch their victims over a period of time before they act. So, are you ever truly safe? I don’t know. I could say the worst part is just the concept of being kidnapped but sadly and ironically that is the most painless part of the torture. That is if a person is taken for sex slavery. The grooming, which is the training to be a good sex slave is where the pain begins. At this point of ‘training’ anything and everything goes besides ruining the ‘merchandise’. The victims are consistently beaten, raped, abused, punished, belittled, and damaged until there is nothing left of the person they were before the kidnapping. In as much as gruesome and terrifying as this might be it is still not the worst of the worst. So now there are 2 possible things; the victim dies on the process of training, or they get sold. Either way the victim prays for death, at that point death seems more of a better escape and I’ll tell you why.
Let me start by saying that no one that decides to buy their fellow human being is normal. If we go further to the life of a sex slave, it means that whoever buys the person is their owner and can do whatever in hell they want to that person. Let me tell you why this is the worst the worst possible part. In the grooming process there are limitations to what can be done to the victims, at least some groomers have limits. Now imagine when there are no limitations to what can be done to you, when I say no limitations, I mean absolutely nothing is off the table. Like I said earlier the people involved in this industry are not in any way normal, the fact that they need or want to buy a person who they own completely to fulfil their sexual desires who has no choice in the matter, should make you question ‘What exactly are these fantasies? And why do they need to buy someone to satisfy them?’ Those fantasies are too gruesome and no one in their willing sane mind would ever go through with it.
Let me make it clear that BDSM is a willing agreement between the parties involved and is not in any way illegal or potentially life threatening to those involved. The desires that I am speaking of are very much life threatening and illegal. I would like to refrain from giving an example and let your imagination run wild, but I feel like you won’t really get the picture I’m painting. For example, the person that buys victim A likes to use a whip that has metal sharp spikes on it while victim A is tied up. So, the buyer chained victim A to the ceiling and of course victim A is naked because the buyer likes the sight of what they consider artwork. So as victim A is chained the buyer brings the whip and whips victim A and of course it digs deep into victim A’s skin; what does the buyer do? The buyer then proceeds to pull the whip from the point of insertion across victim A’s body, during this process the buyer is laughing, moaning and very much aroused by the screams of victim A and their blood and slashed skin. The torture proceeds to continue until the buyer is pleased with the destruction they have done, then proceeds to rape victim A. Now let’s keep in mind that victim A is never fed appropriately, and those injuries are treated by some shady doctor. I won’t even pretend like it ends here because this is something that can happen every day or multiple times a day. Notwithstanding that the buyer might have other kinks he’d like to explore. If the buyer is a sharing type than the victim is exposed to different other kinks that might be worse that what they have been exposed to. Why wouldn’t you wish for death?
Now the buying process is 2 ways, at least the ones I’m aware of. First is private sales where the buyers are shown the victims privately and they pick who they want and buy them after negotiations with the seller is done. The second point of sales is when the victims are auctioned and sold to the highest bidder. From the moment of kidnapping, they are no longer people with rights but commodities to be sold and made profit off. I would also like to make note that anyone that is a buyer is extremely wealthy and influential as humans are not cheap purchases. I may sound too crass but these are the facts weather you choose to accept them or not.
In as much as this entire process is inhumane my thoughts go to those that manage to somehow escape or are rescued. How do you recover from that? I know for a fact that whoever they were before that experience is gone forever. A whole rebuilding would have to be done and that would be a whole other painful journey.
Let me know what you think, any opinions or comments you may have as well as my latest daily segment (DeliciousWords) will be on Instagram: @beautifully_psychotic_ and Twitter: @BeautifullyPsyc. I look forward to interacting with you. Or if you just want to talk I’m here to listen.