It is better to walk away from what could have been than to deny the of reality of what is. I have understood from experience, both mine and others, that to fall for potential is a regrettable decision. What I am learning now is that it is just hard, hard to know that someone or something isn’t good for you, but you can’t help but want it. The heart does not listen to reason where emotions are deep, even when the brain pushes logic in our face, we turn a blind eye.
The person walks into your life bringing butterflies and fireworks. They present their best self showing what they think you want, then overtime the change begins. They stop being who they think you want, to become who they truly are, and often times who they are isn’t what you want. Unfortunately, you have already fallen for the mask. Is it really a mask though? Many at times it is. It is a means to an end, and when that end is gotten, they simply take the mask off. No need to pretend when the goal has been achieved.
It is quite manipulative I’d say. To craft as identity that isn’t yours, to deceive a person so deliberately that you are something else. Then to set eyes on someone as a means to an end, whatever the end may be. Could be for sex, connections, money, opportunity, or even for entertainment out of boredom. Then when you achieve your purpose, you simply walk away, return back to factory setting.
There are those that do not do it to be deceitful. The energy of meeting someone new or someone you like and trying to make a good impression, implies pressure that we do not often acknowledge or even notice. We unconsciously become the best version of ourselves, putting our best foot forward to be perceived as better. Unfortunately being that version isn’t true so the cracks begin to show. Suddenly we are no longer perfect, or extraordinary anymore, we are just human.
There is no such thing as perfect people so flaws should be expected. In the absence of them, one should be cautious because a mask might be worn very tightly. One should also be careful to understand and identify the difference between the two, I promise they aren’t similar.
Be that as it may, it is hard to control feelings that have already been established. The first two weeks are explosive and filled with so much passion. Calling and texting each other often and everyday. Spending hours building memories on the phone and possibly in person. Talking about future plans and such. Life feels so colourful and full of possibilities during the time, until begins to fade. The suddenly become too busy, less calls texts, meets until it turns to radio silence. The highlight of my day is now a stranger to me.
I could see a future with you. In fact I saw one. I wanted so badly for it to be you. I saw the cracks but I remembered who you were. I just couldn’t forget so easily. You are good but you aren’t good for me. No matter the times I see parts of you that I like, the parts of you that I don’t like show themselves right after. It goes from a succession of why I like you to why I don’t. Like I said, there is no one without flaws, I believe that is one of the reasons some people stay in uncomfortable situation. It becomes a battle of what if the next one is worse but we forget what if its better.
The older I get the more self aware I am, which is why I have acknowledged these flaws for what they are but I’ve come to terms with the fact that no matter how much I want this person, a relationship will not be sustainable in the long term. Especially since I’ve known this person for a while, more than 6 months. These flaws are part of the person and I’m certainly not the one the person would change for, if not it would have happened already.
I understand how hard it is to convince your mind and heart to let go but it is necessary. It is better to let go now than to stay longer in pain because it will only hurt. The funniest part is they would do better for someone, but if they aren’t doing better for you then you’re not the one they truly want.
Letting go takes time. So be patient with yourself too.