According to the internet, love is a complex, multifaceted emotion and behavior characterized by deep affection, intimacy, and commitment towards people, animals, or concepts. It spans from intense romantic desire to platonic, familial, or self-giving care.
How do you describe falling in love? How do you describe feeling intense love for someone so deeply that you don’t realize it until too later?
I honestly don’t know where I’m going with this actually. So, I’ll just start with how I’m feeling at the moment and that is heartbroken. I just finished reading my favorite book series, it’s a fantasy series called ‘The Pawn and the Puppet’ series by Brandi Elise Szeker. I waited two years for the final book to come out, and it finally did. I finished it last night, took less than 48 hours to read the whole thing, and I loved it. It’s a five book series, and honestly, it’s my favorite.
As a reader you get attached to characters often and for me, when the book is done, it’s done. This book however, it hurt. I fell madly in love with Dessin and thoroughly enjoyed his love story. The last book broke my heart in ways it hasn’t been broken in so long. I watched my favorite couple end, and even though the book had a happy ending, I couldn’t get over the pain of the last five chapters. It’s been a while a book has hurt me this badly but this one’s stung.
I watched the people I love go through unexplainable amounts of hell and fall in love with each other through it all. Not once did they ask each other a question, their feelings. The love was so loud, so vivid, so clear as even a blind man could see it. No matter the odds that went against them, nothing was stronger than their love. Would I be crazy to say that I want to be loved just like that?
To be seen at my best and my worst and still be chosen. To look at him and not question if his feelings are true or not. To have a love that grows, develops, adapts, and is still alive. I want my own Dessin. The way he loved Skylenna was so pure and beautiful. The pain was so raw and gut wrenching. It’s like the author took my heart and crushed it before me. I watch the people I love go and I couldn’t do anything to stop it. I’m so hurt. I feel an insane amount of grief.
People have opinions because they don’t read. They think I should just get over it, that they are just characters in a book. I don’t blame people for their lack of understanding because you can’t understand something you haven’t felt.
How would you react if your parents died? Or your favorite cousin? Your best friend? Your favorite relative? Your lover even? How would you feel if you lost someone you loved and cared about?
And then someone comes to tell you to get over t. I don’t even want to get into that honestly.
But that’s exactly how I feel. Like I’ve [SE1] lost two people that I cared deeply about. I know now that I can’t read sad books and books that don’t have a happy ending. I’ve known this since I started reading, but now I’m more sure. Yes, the book ended happily, and I’m happy for them, but the things that happened before then was just too much. I don’t know how long it’s going to take to heal from this pain I feel because it really hurts so much and I’m not okay. I’m really not okay.
I think I now understand Anthony Bridgeton. That fear of loving someone so deeply and watching them die, then having to continue living because the world doesn’t stop, no matter how much you wanted to. I understand why he feared love so much. I would recommend this series a million times over because it truly is amazing, and I don’t have any regrets.
I hope to find a love as strong as theirs someday.