What is the easiest way to spot the difference in something? It is to simply find the thing that is out of place. It is easy to spot change when it is drastic or minor because you are use to certain things, so the moment it starts to look different from what you are used to, you notice. Sometimes the little tweaks would not be noticeable until they sum up to be a lot. Or you would notice because those little tweaks were important to you.
How do you catch a cheating partner? They change. The things they used to do they no longer do it. Usually when a person begins to cheat, they change their behavior towards their partner. It might either start small by reduced calls or texts or both. It could also be something major like them usually always having time for you to them always being too busy to be with you.
It is easy to detect and spot the changes in your partner’s behavior. It is easy to know that someone is cheating through their behavior. The changes in their behavior, the sneaky behavior, the negligence towards their partner. The whole performance. Then when you call them out it is either they apologize and change for a little bit, then go back to the negligence. Or they deny the whole thing. They gaslight and manipulate you into thinking that you are overthinking things and that they are just busy or tired or whatever excuses they may come up with.
The funniest ones are the ones that try to blame you. Gaslight and manipulate you into thinking you are the problem. That you aren’t doing enough. That the relationship is boring and you’re the reason. That you’re being too dramatic and making a mountain out of a molehill. It’s not funny honestly. It’s very painful especially when you start to believe it. You try everything humanly possible to change and do the things that they want but it’s never enough.
The behavior doesn’t change and you’re still getting blamed for something that isn’t even your fault. The worst part is that you know in your heart that you’ve tried your best, but you make excuses and reasons as to why your best isn’t good enough. The problem isn’t you; it never was.
These is situations are easy to spot. You can tell that something is amiss. You can see the changes and accept them or not. They are there for you to see.
Now what about the ones that don’t change? I recently watched a video of relationship where her boyfriend was cheating on her for a long time, but she didn’t know because his behavior towards her never changed. He always made time for her, was constantly around her. His text and calls didn’t change their frequency. Her access to his devices was still the same. She had no reason to doubt him.
I wondered, I wondered a lot about this. The dedication to live a double life so seamlessly is mind blowing and terrifying.
What happens in this case where there were no signs or warnings? No slip ups. No negligence. No lies you can catch. Just the same type of love you’ve always known. Even now I’m still speechless at the thought of it.
In my mind I see no reason for this level of effort. If you no longer want the person you’re with then leave them. The problem is that they don’t want to lose you and neither do they want to leave you. They want the best of both worlds. It’s a terrifying world we live in. What’s even worse is that the wolves dress up as sheeps and we can’t tell the difference.