I want to be held forever in his loving arms. I want to be loved unconditionally. But how can someone as undeniably perfect as he is, fall for an ugly bundle of imperfection that is me, it wasn’t possible.
I would probably end up alone or with someone of the exact state and live in rejection. That isn’t the best life but its my life. This isn’t a fairy tale were the poper gets the rich prince. This is real life and its shitty. I keep trying to convince myself that I deserve better and there is more to this world but who am I kidding I’m not going anywhere. Even if there was more to this life than what I presently had I don’t have the resources to get there. So I’m stuck here, not that I’m surprised.
This jaw dropping perfect man would never settle for less and that was exactly what I was and all that I’m ever going to be. Its sad, very sad but it’s the truth. I’m not going to cry about it or feel sorry for myself cause there was never an elevation for me. I’ve been at the bottom from the moment I was born and I’ll continue to be there.
Its not like I couldn’t be elevated or I didn’t want to or anything like that, its just that I know who I am, where I come from and what I’m capable of. I can do greater and better thing in my life, but lets be honest here do I really want that? I don’t love my life but I don’t hate it either. I’m just at the point where I know I’m comfortable. I have all the necessary resources; food, shelter, clothing and income. What more could I ask for? To be honest, I could ask for a whole lot but we all know I ain’t getting shit.
You know I have this belief that if you weren’t born into something or it didn’t just come to you that it simply wasn’t meant for you. I get the whole principle of working hard to get what you want and the whole ideology that it doesn’t matter where you come from or your background its all about hard work or rather smart work. I work hard everyday and I’m still where I am. I guess its cause I’m not destined for the life of popularity. The life of glitz and glam never appealed to me. All that attention is quite frightening I can’t deal with all that pressure to live up to peoples expectations and practically have my life monitored and bisected like a science experiment. I’m not some science project, I’m a human being and I deserve a right to my own life, privacy and my own damn choices.
Sure the money and connections are awesome but is that all there is to life. Of course its not. I’m not saying all those things aren’t good or anything. I’m just saying that that life isn’t for everyone. I just want to be comfortable.
There is more to this but that will be addressed at another time.