I wonder how he feels whenever I shut that door at his face. I’ve done it so many times. I just did it right now. Shutting him out him out my house. It’s getting harder to keep doing this to him but it’s for our own good and its better this way. The closer he gets the further away I push him. I’ve shut the door on him so many times that I keep wondering why he doesn’t just give up. He always bears the face of rejection and sadness whenever I’m about to shut the door on him. I feel sad sometimes but I know that it’s all for the best. I can’t keep hurting him like this but it’s all I’ve ever known. He always says that he can teach me how to love him but I just can’t accept that. I shut the door this last time hoping it would be the actual last time, but part of me wishing for him to come back. I don’t know what the hell is wrong with me. No matter how many times I push him away and lock him out but he always finds a way back in. he has penetrated through all my defences and left me defenceless. I won’t let him do that but hasn’t he already done it. All that is left is for me to admit it to myself and him that he actually has. I can’t do that. Locking him out is the best way to go about this. I have to keep fighting him or else he’ll destroy me and himself. Its for the best. It hurts me most times but I’ll get over it. I always do
A Little Of Everything