Drowning in my own sea of sadness isn’t it beautiful. Watching the water the water splash about as I struggle to stay afloat, screaming for help, which I know isn’t coming. Paddling my legs about. Trashing my hands uncontrollably all in the hope that by some miracle help would come or by magic I could develop skills in swimming. Exhaustion seeps into me over countless hours of movement as my body weakens.
I want so badly to comply with my aching limbs but the struggle for survival makes me unable to stop. The adrenaline has long ago faded but I’m desperate to live. I want to live. There is so much I haven’t done and seen. So much I wish I could have achieved.
I know there is more for me out their but I also know I cant keep struggling anymore.
So I stopped.
As I stopped I laid in the in the water, my hands and legs outstretched, at long last I rested. I stared at the sky watching the clouds move slowly by the sun. The sun. Such a lonely beautiful creation.
It shines so brightly in the morning, the beauty of the day time feel mystical. Although no one notices, the sun is very lonely up there. The stars, clouds and moon are as far away from it as possible. It lives in the sky surrounded by amazing and beautiful beings but still in all that majesty it still feels so lonely. It doesn’t show it though, it covers it up shining its brightest.
Another wonderful things about the sun is when it sets, that magical atmosphere of the sunset that brings out the most beautiful sight ever seen. It has different colours. Sometimes it could be orange or pink or red or swirls of colours. That’s exactly where the magic comes in.
I lay here in this sea of sadness visualizing all these amazing facts as my body floats aimlessly in the water. I lifted my tired arm and looked at its wet form. I moved it side to side, round and round and laid it back down.
I looked at the sky again and closed my eyes. Its time to feel. The water moved in sad slow waves around me. The sadness whispered lonely songs into my ears and I indeed felt lonely. I, at this very moment I wanted to feel every atom of sadness that the water was willing to let me feel. I wanted to be consumed by it. I wanted to hear every single sad song and voice in the sea.
I felt the sadness eat through me, dwelling within my soul and enveloping me in sadness. Then realization dawned on me that I actually could swim. A slap to the face and the fluent movement of limbs brought me back to reality.