Temptation
It can come in any and every way. Lots of times we think we’re above it, that when it comes we wouldn’t fall because we aren’t that stupid. What we fail to realize is that the temptation is just as smart as us, if not smarter because we end up falling anyways. We fail to understand that when temptation comes the possibility of us resisting it is already low. Why? Because it was designed specifically for you. What can tempt me might not be able to tempt another.
That being said, it doesn’t always come how you expect it to. It’s not always so obvious. Sometimes it comes tall, dark skinned and deliciously handsome. It comes with a killer smile, captivating eyes and a charismatic personality. Sometimes it comes as exactly what you want, something casual, no strings attached, just good sex and good company. It bares no resemblance temptation at all. Until it does.
After meeting this delicate fine specimen of a man several months ago, I thought I’d found something good. I wasn’t looking for a relationship and neither was he. We were just down to have a good time for a short time.
He treated me so well. We talked often, we went out occasionally and fucked as much as we could. It was what I wanted and I wasn’t complaining, that was until the day I saw him across the street coming out of an antique store in the arms of another, giggling and laughing.
I sat up straight to be sure my eyes were in deceiving me and it was as clear day that they weren’t. It was him. He didn’t notice me, so I watched them. I didn’t jump to conclusions just yet, until they walked to his car. The same car I’ve sat in multiple times, less times than I’ve been fucked in it though. He opened the door and gave her a deep kiss, the kind he gives me when he doesn’t want to leave but has to.
Then they left.
I said there for minute in shock. Then I finished my meal and went home. Went to my living room in sat on the floor after I took my trousers off. I sat there for a long time, not moving. Just staring at the wall wondering what I missed.
We may have been fuck buddies but we were exclusive fuck buddies. I made that very clear at the beginning of the relationship. If he’s fucking me, he aint fucking no one else. And if he wants to fuck other people, that’s fine, but that would be the end of us. I guess he wanted to eat his cake and have it too.
Now I’m here wondering is it the first time? Are there others?
It is easier to catch a cheater when he changes his patterns and starts moving funny. It’s much harder to catch a master manipulators who knows women are perceptive, so they don’t change. They manage their affairs diligently. Those are the scary ones.
Now the main question is ‘what am I gonna do now?’ And ‘do I wanna know what he’s been up to?’
It’s been two months since the day I saw him with her. The worst part? I didn’t have to go find any information. It just landed on my lap a couple days later. It appears that an acquaintance of mine is friends with this girl and she posted the girls engagement photos.
So, in essence I was the side piece. Luckily, I didn’t introduce this man to anyone so the shame and embarrassment was personal to just me. What did I decide to do after the fact? Ghost him. I needed space to clear my head and mind, so just blocked and deleted him.
Want to know how far that got me? I’ll tell you. Not very far. After two weeks he pulled up to my house demanding an explanation. I told him I was done, he said like hell we are, then he fucked me like he hated me and we got back into routine for about a week. Then I felt guilty and I blocked him again. He didn’t even let 48 hours go by before he pulled up on me acting smug saying that is this a new game I like to play now.
I wasn’t clouded by lust, at least not yet. I asked him to come in and showed him his engagement photos. He was shocked to say the least. He sat in silence for a couple minutes before apologizing and asking ‘what happens now?’ I pointed at the door and he left. I felt relieved but also upset.
Two days was all I had before he came back. Sisterhood I tried to hold it down but I’ve been with this man for six months. He knows me way too well. I caved within three hours and now it’s been two months. I’m officially a side piece. Some days I feel guilty for hurting another woman like this because no one deserves this level of betrayal. I hate myself sometimes whenever I think about the position I’m in. This isn’t what I wanted but it’s what I’ve accepted, what I’ve settled for.
I know what I’m doing is wrong, but I can’t stop.
I want him. Even if I can’t have all of him I’ll settle for the portion that I can get. Even if I’m uncomfortable as long as I have him. These are the thoughts that I use the bury the guilt. Because whenever I’m with him I forget everything. I feel happy, at peace, content.
Then she calls or texts and the mirage shatters. I’m back to being the other woman. It hurts to share him, but it hurts more to not have him, and I rather deal with the pain of him being partially mine and him not being mine at all.
I know what you’re thinking. This will eventually end. He will eventually get married and possibly stop or even worse, find someone else replace me. I’ve thought about what to do if that happens.
I considered exposing him if he ever left me but I’m not sure if I can. I care too much about him and I hate to see him hurt. And that doesn’t even certify me getting back into his life. It just means more people getting hurt for a decision that I consciously made and I’m still making to be with him.
Remember what I said earlier about temptation, yeah. Whenever it comes run! Even the Bible says we should flee from it because even God knows we aren’t as strong as we think we are.
This is my temptation and I’ll ride it out till it ruins me.