He lies to me all the time. He thinks that I don’t know it, but I do. I know every single lie he has ever told me from the moment we met. The obvious question would be ‘why are you still with him?’. Then the obvious answer would be that it’s because I like his lies. I won’t say that I don’t like it because there is a part of me that does.
My actual reason is that I’m so hurt and broken inside that his lies don’t hurt me anymore. I don’t want to go through the whole process of getting to know someone and then falling in love just to have my heart shattered by their lies. I don’t want to find someone else because I’m not sure I’ll able to tell if they are lying to me this time. I rather face this terrible reality than hope for unreachable fantasy.
I know this whole thing sounds very depressing, probably it is but I’m not complaining. As irrational as my action in deciding to stay with a lying bastard is, I’m not doing it cause I’m madly in love with him or anything remotely related to that. I’m not afraid of dying alone either. I’m afraid that he would hurt me cause he never has, he’s not a violent person. Funny how I sound like I’m defending him. He probably loves me somewhere in that lying heart of his, not that I would believe him.
I’m only here cause leaving means finding someone new and starting all over. Yeah, you would be saying there is joy in being single and I know that, but I don’t want to be single forever though. I could probably find another guy eventually and not be able to tell he’s lying then fall for his shit and end up heartbroken. Of course, heartbreak hasn’t killed anyone directly, but it has caused deaths, and the side effects are not what I would like to face.
Or I can find someone who is genuine and will love me whole heartedly but that’s a long shot and I’m not ready to make that decision nor take that chance yet.
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