He looks at her with adoration and love but treats me with hatred and disgust. He smiles in my absence but scowls at my presence. He complains of my negligence but never appreciates my attentiveness. He never calls or texts, never bothers to know if I’m living or dead. He hates my clinginess but despises my coldness. He wants me only at a distance, to see me and acknowledge me as far as possible. He prefers to push me away rather than to pull me close. He rather complains to me about me rather than anyone else. He never says he loves me. He never touches me. He keeps me securely at arms length never close enough to breathe the same air he’s breathing. He is known for his calm demeanor to the masses but keeps his hostility aside, just for me. He questions everything that concerns me. He doesn’t ask or request, he commands. He allows no form of laziness. He lets no one control him, least of all hear anything I have to say. He feeds me what he thinks I deserve. He threats me like a slave in our own home. He considers me a pest, a parasite, a plague he has to endure for an uncertain amount of time. He insults me. He takes my compliance to his inconsiderate attitude as submissiveness. He has made it impossible for me to leave. He only allows me to leave with him only when necessary. The only thing left is for him to put me in shackles for my slavery to be complete.
I have taken every single thing that he has given and done to me. I have endured each and every torture he has put me through. I have lived in isolation and exile for 10 years, ever since the day I said ‘I do’, I have hoped and wished for him to change. I have pleaded and begged for mercy. I have been treated like a slave in my own home. I have been starved, locked up, injured without treatment, sick and not treated, and malnourished. Then he had the guts to tie me up, whip me, beat me up and then rape me.
I will destroy him. I will take away every single thing he has and burn it to the ground, and I will start from within. He will beg me the same way I begged him. He will scream the way I screamed. He will go through every single thing I went through but in his case it will be intensified. He will obey. He will submit. He will be worse than a slave. I will break him emotionally, psychologically, mentally, socially and economically. But I wont touch him physically though. I still want to keep my humanity in check, even though he has damaged me beyond repair. I will show him exactly what that feels like but I won’t do it the way he did it to me though. I will do it my own way. So it’s true what they say, ‘the enemy of a man is in his own home’. I just need to figure out how to get the hell of this house.